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Friday, October 30, 2009

Brad's Guide To Veterinary Medicine

A vet I know named Brad sent me a list of 31 rules he has developed over a lifetime around veterinary medicine (his father is also a vet).  Here are a few of the choicer ones.  These are all tongue-in-cheek, but also give some profound truths about life as a vet.

Rule #6--The condition is never an emergency until 3 a.m.

Rule #8--The more money spent on procuring the animal, the less spent on maintaining it.

Rule #11--The more ignorant the client, the more certain they are that they know more than you do.

Rule #12--The nicer the clothing, the more nasty, disgusting, and malodorous a procedure you will be asked to perform.

Rule #17--If the client does not comply with orders and the animal gets worse or dies, it is your fault.

Rule #18--All lesions occur overnight ("Really, Doc, he was fine yesterday").

Rule #24--Any unexplained illness seen in a pet is the direct result of the spay/neuter you performed 3 years ago. ("I don't know, Doc.  He was just fine until you neutered him back in '95.")

Rule #26--No matter how late you stay open, or how many days your office is open, there's always one client that will show up 5 minutes before closing with a patient that's been sick for 3 weeks, and complain that you're not open late enough.

Rule #27--Four years of veterinary school cannot possibly compare with the 15 minutes of training that the high-school drop-out got at the pet store.

Rule #28--Consciousness is a privelege; if you abuse it, it will be taken from you.

Rule #30--It is a geophysical phenomenon that all of your clients live only 5 minutes away from your hospital if it is within 30 minutes of closing.

Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. I know that my veterinary readers will appreciate this in a special way!