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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Flexibility Is Important

Some stories you just can't make up.

Yesterday I saw a couple and their yorkie puppy.  The owners were, shall we say, rather "stout".  Normally I wouldn't mention this, but it's an important mental image to keep in your head.  It was a pretty routine exam and vaccines on a healthy puppy.  On the previous exam my associate hadn't felt the puppy's testicles, so I paid particular attention to this particular area and gladly told the owners that both were present.  Since we were in that area, the wife asked me about the "dumbells" on his genitals.

Now I need to interrupt the story for a little anatomy lesson.  Male dogs have erectile tissue at the base of their penis called the bulbus glandis.  This is a normal structure and can enlarge with any excitement, whether it be sexual, play, or just about anything.  The true function is to act as a "knot", allowing the male to "lock" with a female during intercourse.  The male inserts into the female and the bulbus glandis enlarges, locking him into a position inside her.  This allows him to stay inside longer, prolonging the amount of sperm and keeping another male from mating right afterwards.

One of the most interesting things about all of this is that once the male is locked, he swings his body around so that he is butt-to-butt with the female, while staying inserted!  It looks something like this....

While it seems a bit strange to us, this is normal in all canines, increasing the chances that the male will fertilize the female.

Back to the story....

I was explaining that the "dumbells" were the bulbus glandis and then described what it was and it's purpose.  I ended up describing the locking of the male and female, with the male ending up facing away from the female without coming out.  The wife gets a wide-eyed expression, turns to her husband, and says, "Dadgum!  Why aren't you that flexible?"

My jaw dropped as I struggled to save myself from the suddenly awkward situation.  We moved on to other topics, but I must say that was a mental image I certainly didn't want to have.